Just because I no longer identify as a maladaptive daydreamer doesn’t mean I never daydream. This is probably the question I get asked most often: “Do you still daydream?” And the honest answer is yes–but rarely, and by choice. Sometimes I drift into a light daydream while listening to music. Sometimes on a train ride, if I forgot my book or laptop, I even intentionally let my mind wander. The goal was never to eliminate daydreaming from my life forever. My goal was simpler, and ultimately far more freeing: to build a healthy relationship with my daydreams.

I truly believe this is a more compassionate and realistic approach than trying to force yourself to stop forever. When you treat your daydreams with frustration or hatred, they often gain more power, because you create inner tension and resistance. Daydreaming itself isn’t the enemy. The real issue is the loss of control (that feeling of being pulled in and unable to stop). Today, if I notice myself starting to daydream, I gently ask, “Is there something more important I need to be doing right now?” If the answer is no, I allow myself to enjoy the moment. And when it’s time to return to reality, I can stop without that old compulsive pull I used to experience too.

More importantly, beyond regaining control over my attention, my life has changed in ways that feel deeply meaningful. I began addressing the unmet needs I had avoided for years: my self-esteem, my confidence when speaking in groups, my social skills, my willingness to pursue real-life goals even when they feel uncomfortable or scary. I chose to work on my goals in real life instead of only in my daydreams. Perhaps the greatest gift of all has been presence. Being fully present when I’m with friends or family. Staying engaged in conversations. Feeling connected instead of half-elsewhere. That, more than anything, feels like freedom. And it’s something I once thought wasn’t possible for me.

This is such a common (and completely understandable) question. When you’re struggling, it’s natural to want clarity and reassurance about how long it will take. I truly wish I could give you a precise number. But the honest answer is that I can’t guarantee a specific timeline for healing your relationship with your daydreams.

Every client I work with is a completely unique world with different experiences, coping patterns, strengths, fears, and unmet needs. That’s why I tailor the six foundational elements of my Maladaptive Daydreaming Recovery Program to each individual. Some people already feel confident that they can reduce their daydreaming and simply need structure and accountability. Others need more time to build self-trust, emotional regulation skills, or social confidence–and that is absolutely okay. Some can clearly envision a life with less daydreaming; others are still discovering who they are outside of it. There is no “right” pace.

I want you to know that there is no shame in where you are. You have lived your life in a way no one else has. Your nervous system adapted in the best way it knew how. Of course your path will look different from someone else’s. This work is not a race, but rather, it’s a deeply personal journey that requires introspection, compassion, patience, and self-love. And that’s not easy work.

If I had to give a gentle approximation, many clients begin to notice meaningful shifts in their daydreaming patterns or in their belief that change is possible after around two months of consistent work. That doesn’t mean they are “fully healed.” It means they begin to see light at the end of the tunnel. They feel more in control. More hopeful. And that in itself is a powerful milestone worth celebrating.

This is such an important question (and I’m really glad you’re asking it). The short answer is no, the goal is not to eliminate daydreaming from your life forever. Daydreaming is a normal human function. In fact, research suggests that, on average, people without maladaptive daydreaming still spend around 16% of their waking hours daydreaming (Herscu et al., 2023). The issue isn’t the existence of daydreaming, but rather, it’s the loss of control and the impact it has on your life.

More importantly, your daydreams hold valuable information about you. They often reflect qualities, desires, and unmet emotional needs. As Kyla Borcherds writes in Extreme Imagination: A Guide to Overcoming Maladaptive Daydreaming, our “daydream selves” can reveal aspects of our authentic selves. When I ask my clients, “What qualities do you notice in your daydream self?” I often hear: I’m confident. I speak in groups and people listen to me. I feel deeply loved. I’m admired by others. I initiate things easily. These answers are powerful. They show us what you long to embody in real life.

This is where daydreaming can actually become useful. Your mind may be highlighting emotional needs that haven’t yet been met, such as confidence, connection, recognition, belonging, courage, etc. The challenge is that building these qualities in real life requires vulnerability. It means putting yourself out there, risking rejection, expressing parts of yourself you may have hidden for years, and developing skills you didn’t get the chance to practice before. That can feel incredibly scary and uncomfortable, especially if daydreaming has been your safe space for a long time.

So no, our work together is not about forcing you to stop daydreaming forever. It’s about understanding what your daydreams are trying to show you and helping you build the skills, confidence, and emotional safety to bring those qualities into your real life. The goal is that, by the end of our sessions, you won’t see your daydreams as a shameful enemy. Instead, you’ll be able to view them as messengers guiding you toward growth. And when you do daydream, you’ll be able to ask yourself, “What is this showing me about who I want to become?” This shift alone can transform your relationship with your imagination and, ultimately, the relationship you have with yourself.

Anyone who tells you that you must follow a fixed set of steps, in a fixed order, to “fix” yourself is probably oversimplifying something very personal. There is no one-size-fits-all solution in mental health–and that absolutely applies to maladaptive daydreaming. Every person I work with has a different story, different triggers, different strengths, and different emotional needs.

When I created the Maladaptive Daydreaming Recovery Program, it was very important to me that it not feel rigid. The six foundational elements give us a roadmap and a general understanding of what our work together may include, but we don’t have to follow it in a strict order. What matters most to me as a coach is flexibility, curiosity, and active listening. I adjust our sessions based on where you are at that moment in your life. How we begin with one person may look completely different from how we begin with someone else–and that’s exactly how it should be.

If you’d like a clearer picture, you can visit the “Coaching” page where I explain the six key parts of the program. In essence, our work often includes: redefining your relationship with your daydreams, identifying and clarifying your unmet emotional needs, learning how to meet those needs in real life, developing practical skills to support that growth, reducing compulsive daydreaming through psychological strategies like implementation intentions, and creating a relapse-prevention plan so you leave feeling confident in your ability to continue on your own.

Healing from maladaptive daydreaming is not a straight line. There may be obstacles, unexpected turns, and moments of doubt. We might move in different orders, at different rhythms, and explore different areas depending on what you need. And that’s okay. What matters is that the journey is tailored to your pace, your story, and your goals.

Daydreaming and thinking can feel similar, but some of the key differences between them include immersion, control, and emotional intensity. Thinking is usually purposeful and connected to the present moment: you might find yourself reflecting, planning, problem-solving, or processing something real in your life. Even if your mind wanders, you can gently bring it back without much resistance, and it tends to be practical and useful. Daydreaming instead pulls you into a vivid, story-like inner world filled with characters, plots, and heightened emotions. It often comes with powerful emotional surges like excitement, romance, victory, comfort that can feel like a dopamine “hit,” which makes the experience highly rewarding and harder to stop compared to ordinary thinking. When daydreaming, you may lose track of time, feel deeply absorbed, or struggle to disengage even when you need to focus on real life. A simple question that could help you understand if it’s daydreaming or ordinary thinking is: Is this helping me move forward in my real life, or is it helping me escape it? If your imagination feels compulsive, emotionally intense, and disconnected from practical action, it’s likely daydreaming rather than ordinary thinking.

If you’re wondering whether you have maladaptive daydreaming, the most important thing to look at is impact and control. Maladaptive daydreaming isn’t just having a vivid imagination. It’s when immersive, story-like fantasies become compulsive, time-consuming, and interfere with your daily life. Common signs include spending hours absorbed in detailed inner worlds, struggling to stop even when you want to, pacing or using music to trigger daydreams, feeling intense emotional “highs” while fantasizing, neglecting responsibilities, and experiencing distress, shame, or frustration about the behavior. 

While you can’t formally diagnose yourself through an online questionnaire, you can take the MDS-16 (Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale) as a screening tool to better understand the severity and patterns of your experience. The scale includes 16 statements rated from 0 to 100 (in 10-point increments). To calculate your score, you add up all 16 responses and divide by 16 to get your average. Essentially, higher average scores indicate stronger maladaptive daydreaming traits.It’s not a diagnosis, but it can give you helpful insight into whether your daydreaming may be maladaptive.

If you’ve tried to stop daydreaming before and felt like you failed, it doesn’t mean you lack willpower, instead, it usually means you were trying to remove this coping mechanism without replacing it. Maladaptive daydreaming serves a purpose: it regulates your emotions, it relieves stress, it can fill loneliness in the short-term, or it can provide a quick sense of achievement and connection. When you try to quit abruptly, your brain may resist because it’s losing something that feels soothing and rewarding. That’s why willpower alone rarely works (plus, willpower is fleeting). Real change comes from understanding why you daydream, identifying your triggers, and gradually building healthier ways to meet those same emotional needs (we build healthier coping mechanisms). Just in case you need this reminder: step backs don’t mean you’re back at square one because they’re part of the learning process.

During my master’s thesis at university, I studied the effectiveness of implementation intentions (specific “if–then” plans) for reducing maladaptive daydreaming. The results indicated that implementation intentions can be effective in reducing MD. However, what became clear is that motivation to use these tools often faded, especially after about two weeks. What was striking was how many participants shared that they felt most motivated right after our one-hour psychoeducation session (an online session where we worked together to formulate their personalized plans). By the end of the study, several participants said they wished they had received more ongoing support, as recovering from MD can feel like a deeply lonely journey.

That’s what inspired me to begin coaching in the first place. In our work together, I’m not just handing you tools and sending you on your way, but rather, I’m walking beside you, gently and consistently. My priority is to create a space where you feel safe, understood, and never judged. Maladaptive daydreaming can carry a lot of shame, and I know how hard it can be to talk about something that feels so private. I’ve been there too. And I hope that knowing I’ve walked this path myself takes some of the pressure off and helps you feel more at ease sharing your experience openly. In addition, I’ll check in with you every week through a supportive email to make sure you don’t feel alone, encourage you after each session, and see how you’re doing with the tools we’ve introduced together. Sustainable recovery isn’t about forcing change or relying on short bursts of motivation. It’s about feeling supported, understood, and empowered every step of the way.